Essentially I had to call myself out in an inner monologue.

Over the course of two years taking care of my foster niece and nephew weve had some rough days. Tantruming, nasty attitude, refusal do basic hygiene things like wipe their ass and flush, stuff like that. Ive had to square the fact that I cannot hold children to my high standards of behavior or hold grudes against them for their worst moments.

At some point early on in a moment of extreme anger where my blood was fucking boiling and my mind overflowing with angry thoughts I just had this sudden realization that I am self righteous prick getting mad at stuff i myself was probably guilty of as defiant little shit too. So stop taking dumb animal child shit so personally and go relax.

Its kind of weird just being forced to self analyze the worst aspects of yourself and calling out your own nonesense. I now understand I have the bad personality traits of being self righteous and quick to get upset over insubordination. These are things I need to overcome if I ever want to healthily raise a child of my own. I dont want to be an imposing tyrant god-king to my kids the same way my father was to me only to continue the cycle of resentment. At the same time, as a parent you have to sometimes impose your will on a unwilling child to make them do what they need to so its a hard balance.

So thank you, me, for choosing to be an intelligent and introspective being that doesnt use mental complexes to hide nasty truths about myself and reality.