I’m having some personal issues causing some severe depression and anxiety. I’d like to get past this time as fast as possible, and my days are dragging on. I can’t sleep, which would be a good way to make time go fast. But I also can’t just play video games, I don’t have the motivation to play more than a few minutes and it also just makes me realize how alone I am with no friends or anyone I can connect with emotionally and I spiral into my anxiety and depression.
I can do stuff during the day, run, chores, etc. But as soon as I’m done, especially at night, I start freaking out and it seems like time stands still. Does anyone have any suggestions? Activities I can do that are mindless that will just kill time and get me through the night before I can just go to sleep?
I know this question is stupid but I’m looking for at least somewhat serious answers.
Im a huge advocate for fitness and diet for people who are having trouble with mental health. Because it gives you something you can nerd out on, control, research and if it sticks its a huge net positive for your life.
Figuring out your macros, setting yourself a step goal, designing a functional diet, doing some basic weight training even with just bodyweight exercises.
It also has the advantage of quite often leaving you tired at the end of the day. I can recommend some resources if you like.
People say exercise makes your brain grow. But that’s the wrong way to look at it. Sitting around all day makes your brain atrophy.
It’s so hard to be mentally healthy when your brain atrophies.
You need to sort our bed time routine out.
Don’t do anything in bed other than sleep (or sex). Go to bed try to sleep, if you don’t sleep get up and go to another room and come back in half an hour, an hour whatever it takes. Try sleep again if that doesn’t work after a bit get up again. I actually find going for a pee and trying again works surprisingly well. Take your TV out of your room, don’t use your phone in bed, don’t exercise in your bedroom and don’t exercise late and night.
Try the military sleep method.
If you want time to waste on something, do a jigsaw or scale model.
Join a board game group.
Watch The World at war 1973. Best ww2 doc ever made and its 26 episodes long. That will waste some time.
Go outside. Not in a “go touch grass” way. Explore new places and fill your days with variety and sunlight if you can. If you can’t make the time pass quickly you can at least make it more interesting. And sitting depressed in a park is a lot nicer than sitting depressed at home.
If you’re already running, vary your route a bit, or spend some time in the middle of your run sitting outside for a bit.
I don’t expect it to fix anything, I’ve heard enough of the “just try this and you’ll feel better” bullshit. But I hope it would at least help mix up your days a little.
Unfortunately, this would be gender and/or location dependent. Great advice for daylight hours, but the society we currently live in makes it perhaps less viable for women in certain areas or countries, or even in general if it’s a particularly socially deprived area.
Absolutely on board with the exercise thing though. I’ve taken to trying to waste time on an exercise bike - even an inexpensive one, or a normal bike mounted on a turbo trainer. I’m not expecting anyone to bang in speeds and times like Lance Armstrong on some special supplements, but a slow spin for longer periods of time is great fun… just get a good wide comfortable saddle!
This is what I meant by
I can do stuff during the day, run, chores, etc. But as soon as I’m done, especially at night, I start freaking out and it seems like time stands still.
I run, and do activities to make the day go by. But that’s not sustainable. I’d love to be able to do like a 7 day adventure race, or try to run a ultra marathon or something crazy like that. But I’m not physically capable of that at the moment (I’m in really good shape, but not at THAT level. I run like 5-10 miles a day at most) and I’d just end up hurting myself trying.
Good effort, that’s a decent shape to be in. 10k runs are my “thing” but as my march into middle age progresses, I find I can’t do them back-to-back any more, I’m needing more than a day or two to recover.
Maybe go for something a little more varied - I’m training for (but never done) local triathlons. Great way to build physical fitness with only a third of the high impact on the joints. The major limiting factor will be the pool of course, unless you’re fortunate to own (or have unrestricted access to) a pool.
Random turn of conversation direction, are you creative at all? Crocheting seems to make the world go by at an alarming rate - it’s both a time killer and very rewarding.
You’re completely right. Though depending on your area it may be possible to sit in a cafe (even a Starbucks or equivalent) occasionally to pass the time. Often without needing to purchase anything (or, if you have to, purchasing a simple black coffee for cheap).
But yes, unfortunately that isnt always possible. I hope you can find something to make your days more varied OP. something to break the routine of sitting at home waiting for time to pass.
Coffee shops are fantastic. My other half doesn’t get why I go out to buy a coffee that I could easily make in the house for next to fuck all, but it was never about the coffee - it was about being out of the house and watching the world go by. There’s a coffee shop in a hotel that overlooks the thoroughfare between one of my local city’s biggest shopping centres and it’s rail station, and it’s nice just wasting an hour or two watching people go about their lives.
The cost of the coffee is just a warmth and comfort tax really for sitting there.
It’s not the right choice, but alcohol has been doing well for me for this.
Dad died last year due to what I feel is my fault…
Using alcohol as a self-medicating behavior caused me more pain, ruined relationships, lost me jobs, etc. than anything else. Stay the fuck away.
Alcohol will temporarily alleviate anxiety and then make it much much worse. I do not recommend this at all. I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time.
Stay the fuck away from alcohol, OP.
Alcohol doesn’t help anyway.
We all feel like it was our fault. The coulda/shoulda will eat you. Find something else to occupy your brain.
We all feel like it was our fault
No. I feel like it was all YOUR fault.
Weed also works extremely efficiently at making doing nothing enjoyable. I heard opioids also make doing jack shit easy.
I dont recommend any of these as a solution see my above comment but this will work if ur ready to commit yourself to a homless miserable life offering blowies for $5 and a pack of smokes.
Then again worse case scenario killing oneself is always an option, ita not a good one i ask you please dont under any circumstances do so. But it would make time pass exceedingly quickly (well depending on ur religion or if u have one etc)
I heard opioids also make doing jack shit easy.
Opiods and benzos help. That is something that will likely happen this month but I only have so many. And it only helps because it’s a change. If I took them every day I’d just need more and shit. So, those will come and help me sleep when I need it, not an every day thing.
Hmm seems ur craving somthing different. And u said previously u got money so there is always travel throw a dart at a world map till it lands on land that isnt a warzone.
Would you consider volunteering at an animal shelter? Doing good for others helps you feel less bad about yourself.
I actually occasionally do volunteer at a shelter. It’s a good idea, but I’m mostly asking about things to do once all the available “activities” are over. Let’s say, starting at 9pm or so
I take melatonin so I can sleep instead of lying awake with my thoughts
I do a similar thing, melatonin but I’ll put on TV. Simpsons, futurama, bob’s burgers are all good sleep shows.
Walks. Walking past trees and other natural objects helps the mind process thoughts and emotions, from what I heard. Maybe even not just natural objects.
It engages everything, I suppose. The body and the mind.
Supposedly helps you get over stuff.
I can’t vouch for it myself, but worth giving it a go if it does work. Couldn’t hurt. Good luck, friend!
I’ve gone through bouts of depression and I know motivation is hard to come by but I think it’s difficult to be depressed when you’re in the middle of exercising. I know the ask was to make time go by faster and as someone else said certain activities can make your brain take a break. I feel like walking, running, or biking outside is a fairly good way for your muscles to do the thinking but less hamster wheel than going to a gym or exercising at home.
Also walks will make your body a bit tired which will make it easier to fall asleep and sleep better.
True. 👌
Getting books from the library to read?
Not OP but I personally don’t have enough patience to read entire book. I just can’t. I don’t know how other people read whole book in few days.
If I am super interested in a book that I got as a gift, I will tear through it in a few days. That being said, I’ve probably read like 4 adult books since being out of school. Plenty of kids books over the years, (I had mastered Fox in Socks at one point.)
It takes a lot for me to take that much time on a book.
I’m the same. I read super slow, and I just don’t enjoy it really. Audiobooks are hard for me too. I like podcasts sometimes, and I read a lot of articles and stuff like that. But books are just too much for me.
Have you ever tried listening to hardcore history by Dan Carlin? I find he’s the right level of captivating to keep me interested, but slow enough that I can still drift off to sleep
Audiobooks. Libby app for local library and countless audiobooks already covered by your library card.
I’ve listened to/read so many books. Short ones that are 4 hours or so to entire series where each book is about 20 hours or so.
Long drive? Audiobook. Yard work? Audiobook.
I find myself looking forward to the mundane chores because it gives me an excuse to get back into whatever story/book I’m enjoying.
Start with Short Stories or novellas. A whole story from beginning to end in as short as 3 pages or as many as 30 or so. There are entire books of short stories (anthologies) in every genre you can imagine. You say you don’t have the patience. However, in the time its taken you to read this entire thread, you could have finished a short story. You’ve proven you have the patience.
I smoke weed and watch TV. I also take Zoloft every day and it works pretty well at minimizing my intrusive thoughts too (which mostly happen at night) so it’s like multi-pronged for me.
Idk, if you’ve been going through this for a while and nothing in this thread works, you could look into antidepressants; you don’t have to be on them forever. A lot of the common ones are somewhat affordable without insurance.
I had been on zoloft for a while but stopped a few years ago. I actually just started again very recently. We’ll see if that works.
Weed doesn’t help for me, it makes me more anxious. TV also helps for a little bit
MMORPG’s. Do you have a favorite?
I played WoW for ages. I tried going back during shadowlands, but, it’s just so different from what I enjoyed about it at its peak (wrath).
Is there a current MMO that really requires teamwork, as well as the ability to find a consistent group? A month probably isn’t long enough though, and I don’t think I’m mentally in a place to grind to a level cap without already having friends in game.
Have you ever played Eve Online?
A little bit a long time ago. Was hard for me to get into
Have you thought of practicing a sport in a club / team? I find that it’s a good way to focus on something else than my issues and it helps to socialize.
The days are normally ok. I can find activities to do. It’s night time, when I’m supposed to be tired and going to sleep that it’s the hardest.
Some people take Baldrian before bed in Germany. You can (probably) get it without a prescription. It has a calming effect that might help you, without going down the road of stronger medicines.
I take melatonin, which helps a lot. But the issue is I just have trouble sleeping right now in general. I’d love to be able to sleep 14 hours a day all month. But I’m lucky if I get 6-7
Just fill your time by being the guy who replies “unfortunately this niche group of people I don’t belong to can’t use your advice” on every ask post reply. Some people really get a thrill out of it.
Like for instance if someone asks how they can stay hydrated and somebody replies water you could say “unfortunately some people don’t have access to clean water”, and then just let the upvotes roll in because it’s technically true. It’s going to make you feel worse in the short term because you’ll know what you’re doing, but you won’t recognize that right away or maybe ever so it’s probably a viable strategy for a month.
Unfortunately some people don’t have time to post that kind of bullshit on lemmy
Unfortunately some people don’t experience time as a near concept
unfortunately some people dont have a consistent internet connection
upvotes pls
So you’re having trouble relaxing before bed?
I would recommend either finding a book you like to read before bed, or perhaps if you are so inclined, doodle or sketch. Something that requires focus, but isn’t intense, so you will still be able to tell when your body is ready to rest.
When I need to sleep and can’t, my go to is a relatively mindless game that I’ve gotten exceedingly good at automating my way through. Something like Sudoku, solitaire (specifically Klondike), or something. Usually on a digital device so I don’t have to move too much to play and I don’t have to worry about physical cards, shuffling, etc.
If it’s a particularly bad night I can pair that with some music. I find either ambient trance or something similar, to be the best for this. One of my favorite “go the fuck to sleep” albums is called “Dreamland” by Robert Miles (may he rest in peace). Alternatively, I find nature/rain/thunderstorm sounds to be particularly calming for me, though YMMV. The calm pitter-patter of raindrops falling seems to really put me in a sleeping mood.
Combining these generally gets me ready to snooze the fastest. The other option I have is mediation, but you need to be practiced at getting into the right headspace for it to be effective. Meditation isn’t really what you’re after since you have said that basically sitting around with nothing going on is when you start to panic, which is generally how mediation begins, so I’m not sure it will be super helpful.
The only additional advice, which is a bit of an offshoot from the mediation thing, is that trying to not think is a contradiction. You can’t try not to do something; unless you have some issues with impulse control, the “act” of not doing something is the antithesis of trying. You can’t try to clear your mind, you clear your mind by not thinking, if you’re thinking about clearing your mind, then that’s a thought which, if present, precludes you having a clear mind.
You have to stop thinking, not just try to put things out of your mind, but stop all active thought and analysis. It is way easier to say, than it is to do, and I wouldn’t pretend it’s easy at all. I learned how to do this through meditation, and it’s a fat departure from how you normally operate mentally, and not an easy thing to achieve. One of the strategies I’ve used is when your brain assaults you with a thought, you recognise it’s existence, but refuse to interact/engage/analyse it at all, and just let that wash over you, and into oblivion. Again, easier said than done. Not allowing your thoughts to latch onto ideas and allowing your mind to be quiet, without commenting on, about, or examining every passing thought, does not come naturally.
I think of it a bit like this: take the example of your mind being a street in a busy city, every individual on the street is an independent thought you might engage with. This idea is a bit like sitting by yourself and watching everything around you without getting involved. Someone walks past screaming about some topic, like how the world is going to end and you just watch them walk by and don’t comment on the matter. You recognise they’re there, you just don’t get involved. Your passive demeanor does not and should not imply you either agree, nor disagree with their statements or viewpoint, you are just present, observing them making a scene. Eventually they move on to yell about it in another location and you give it no further thought.
I hope that makes sense. Of course, modern society with all the social interactions we have, whether online or in person, always gives us the option to engage in discussion about everything and we’re often encouraged to do so. People will outright ask for your opinion when having IRL conversations at times, which is a prime example of this conditioning. If you’re able to break away from the need to have an opinion on everything and anything that crosses your path, and value people’s opinions exactly as much as required, which isn’t much, then you can break free, and you don’t have to bother yourself with everyone’s opinion and making yours heard. IMO, there’s no value in sharing your opinion, especially when the recipient of that opinion has their own opinion which obviously will not change based on what you could say, so why bother even having one? It takes mental effort and time away from what’s important to you to engage in such trivialities, when the outcome is unaffected by anything you think or say. Why invest the time and effort having an opinion when nobody cares what your opinion is enough to for it to have any impact on what happens? This isn’t a value statement about you or your opinion, this is a value statement about any would be recipient of your opinion, they don’t care, that’s a problem, but it’s a problem for them to solve; your opinion is valid, and if they can’t see the validity in your opinion, why waste your time and effort creating one just so they can ignore it.
You cannot control the actions of others. You can’t change what they care about. Both of these things are issues that the opposing individual must address about themselves, that you have no way to change about them. Save yourself the grief, and just don’t bother with it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate, you don’t need to add their crap to your pile.
With all that being said, it’s a radical departure from the accepted social “norm” so it’s a lot of stuff that’s easier said than done. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I don’t know all the details and I don’t have the answers; but I’ve been though some rough shit, and it always sucks. I value you and your opinion, so if you want to reply, I’ll be happy to hear anything you wish to share. IMO, it sucks right now but the fact that you’re reaching out to anyone for help is a positive sign. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you require, it is not a sign of weakness to need help, it is a sign of strength and character to recognise that you require assistance and you are willing to ask for that assistance. It’s brave and demonstrates a strong understanding of when you are unable to handle things alone.
We all need a little help sometimes. If you want to DM me, to inquire further on anything I’ve said, or to simply rant/vent, or if you just want to chat about technology (or literally anything) as a means of distraction, I’m happy to oblige. I believe my matrix account is linked to Lemmy, so that’s also an option.
All the best OP.
