Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
“It’s good to see you” is still positive and doesn’t get into detail, so I prefer that.
I hated that question when I worked at jobs where I got yelled at by customers.
Personally, I’ve come to despise the “How’re you?” greeting — it feels like it normalizes impersonal interactions and encourages the behavior of masking one’s emotions. When someone asks “How are you?” I want that sentence to actually carry the emotional weight that it verbally masquerades. So, if someone says “How are you?”, I just respond with a generic greeting like “Hi”.
genuinely great answer. thanks.
Just stop treating it as communication. It’s a symbolic protocol that means “hello”. It’s a handshake.
And don’t rely on your clients to be the ones you open up to. Join a men’s group or a women’s circling group, so you have someone to communicate with.
As others have pointed out, the problem is “How are you?” on its own is generally a greeting not a question.
As such the answer is largely irrelevant - so while it doesn’t have to be outright lie, the answer shouldn’t be longer than a single statement and shouldn’t make the other person feel like they need to be concerned.
If you want a slightly less beaming answer you could go with “Alright”, “same old, same old”, “same as always”, or “Eh, could be worse”, or any of the other suggestions already made.
This is an anglo, and specifically American tic, and it’s so weird.
It took me a few tries and getting some strange looks to get over it. Especially in the US, where sometimes they twist that knife harder and outright go “how was your day?”. If you’re going to be that specific I’m going to answer about the previous 24 hour period in detail, man, that’s just how language works.
We do have a form of “how’s it going” used as a generic greeting, but if we say “how are you” it means we’re worried and want to know. Mostly it’s just variations on “hello”, or “good day”, and some times a remark on how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other.
It ia very much an English speaking world thing, but I wouldn’t say US-centric as we have basically the same greeting in the UK.
Yeah, that wouldn’t fly as much here either - if somebody asked how my day was, I’d be inclined to think they want a summary at least.
No one really wants an accurate answer. It’s just a greeting. Someone says ‘how are you?’ you say ‘grand’ then get on with your day. Same as when someone says ‘what’s happening?’ They don’t want a comprehensive list of your woes and such.
Well obviously, but I know that I’m lying and it just reminds me of how I’m shitty like 90% of days.
Then say something different. Same shit different day, surviving for now, whatever. They’ll shrug it off and move on. We all do it. My mom used to say, “it’s a good day. I woke up on the right side of the dirt.”
Could you maybe skip the answer and go directly to asking „how are you?“ back?
Adding a “thanks” acknowledges them asking. “Thanks, how about you?” Doesn’t answer the question, but follows the social interaction formula of acknowledgment and throwing it back/mirroring.
It’s impossible to be 100% honest all the time if you want to live in the western culture. It would cause so many problems. You would be seen as someone strange, even though you are the normal one for expressing your honest emotions.
In a mad world, being sane is seen as being mad.
If it’s a greeting, then just greet me. “Hey!”, “Good morning”, etc. Don’t ask me a question you don’t want an answer to.
I stopped saying I’m good. I just kinda shrug. If they ask how it’s going, I tell them it hasn’t stopped, and that’s supposedly a good thing so…eh.
In Ireland it’s common to say “not too bad”
Just give a number out of ten.
My response is:
Good, as long as I don’t think about it.
I say what’s up when people ask. People don’t know how to respond/react or they laugh.
“Thanks, you too.”
I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me
I suggest you consider talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. If you feel a long way from ‘good’ some professional assistance might help improve your way.
Have you considered ego death? Abandon concepts like being polite or not rocking the boat. Do something you think might be enjoyable because you can and laugh off others who don’t understand. Life is too short to be normal.
Life is a sandbox game and nowhere it says you need to play it like other people do. I look at the lives of the “average person” and I don’t want what they have so I also don’t see why I should do what they do and expect a different outcome. Ofcourse one doesn’t just choose to not care about what others think - it’s not that easy, but there are small steps you can take towards it that you can do every day.
For example: I like looking at things. Virtually every day I notice something and go: “what is that?” A normal person would maybe look at it while walking by without stopping but not me. I’m the guy others walk by wondering what the hell is he doing. Just yesterday there was this fascinating chain mail curtain that a store uses to close in the cashier window at night and I spent a solid 2 minutes there twiddling with it while the staff was wondering if I’m going to buy something or not. Nah, I’m just studying this thing here.
“The horrors persist, but so do I.”
Your issue doesn’t seem to be the greeting itself. Please - talk with someone about your potential depression. Maybe someday you can say honestly “I’m OK.” and it’ll sit better.
"Struggle, endure, contend. For that alone is the sword of one who defies death. "
“Struggle is the bread of life. It is the element that distinguishes the living from the dead”
“No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within those who fight.”
“In times of despair, remember this: the darkest nights produce the brightest stars. Endure, and you will find your path”
Lying in general wears me down, but if I told a client or passer-by how I’m actually doing I’d be drugged out of my mind in a padded room by the end of the week. Occasionally I “squeak by” with a “Any day above ground, right?” This can’t be healthy.
