My mother-in-law gave me a booked called The Etiquette Edge which essentially explained how to be polite

I’ve lucked out and haven’t gotten anything that bad. My mother in law is weirdly obsessed with making sure everyone gets the exact same number of gifts so sometimes I get some truly random junk lol. She got me (or maybe my wife) a Toy Story 3 Pizza Planet branded Pizza… Maker? Idk. Imagine a waffle iron but for pizza. We have an oven. Idk. I guess it’s for college kids in dorms without full kitchens? We just don’t have the counter space for it. It’s sat in the box. Our kitchen is very tiny. We already have a bunch of counter top appliances and don’t have room for another. And why take it out of the box when we have an oven?

A small drinking cup +possibly unintended whooping cough that ruined my entire holiday season.

One of those fake electric smores fireplaces…. I have a real hearth

I saw a horrible gift get thwarted by a game shop owner who thankfully gave a shit. 40ish year old woman was shopping for her son, “oh Superman 64? Is that a good one?”

Dude didn’t mince words. Told her flat out it was the worst game on the 64

A tri-fold wallet. It was a good wallet, and I appreciated the gesture. It’s just that I HATE tri-fold wallets.

My mother told family I was into geology which I wasn’t, so for my ninth bitrhday I got books about rocks and the hugest fucking hammer.

The hammer felt a little bit cool until I tried it and it was completely useless on the granit which is the only rock in the region, the only thing happening was leaving marks on the stone and shoot mini splinters in the eyes. Totally unuseful for anything else.

Like this but bigger (in my memory, i was only 9), and also cheaper (black head, cheap wood handle):

About 20 years ago

I went to my family Christmas with my then-partner. I got a Grinch onesie from my family

We then attended my partner’s family Christmas where basically the entire living room was stuffed with presents for the kids (my partner and their siblings). My then-partner complained about how they all got more $$ worth of presents. I pointed out that I got a pair of pjs for Christmas. The reply: “it’s not about the dollar amount, it’s just they got more than me” (paraphrased)

I hated that present. A fucking onesie? It was such a disappointing present, and for a long time I used it as an example for questions just like this

I kept it and wore it. Eventually I lost the bitterness and started to cherish it even. Which is why I still wear it regularly this time of year! It’s quite warm… plus, it has pockets!

Grinch tax:

Not me but I was at a New Years Eve white elephant party where everyone brought something they were gifted but didn’t want. Someone who had a relative that owned a video rental store (yeah 90’s) brought a promotional press packet for a Steve Martin/Goldie Hawn movie. B&W glossy photos of the stars, photocopied excerpts of the script, bunch of crap stuffed into a cardboard folder. So basically they gifted their high end junk mail. As for me I got a flamingo costume

Cop gave me a speeding ticket for my birthday. I’m counting it as a present because he said, “Happy Birthday” when he gave it to me.

My mom’s boyfriend got me this huge present that just fit under the tree, the gift was pretty heavy. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was, had no idea. Got to be honest i was a little hyped up to open this thing, even though my opinion of the boyfriend was average

Christmas day I finally get to find out what it is. open the box and it was a Microwave; a second hand microwave. He had replaced his, wasn’t even a good microwave (5 minutes to boil a cup of water) Mom already had a microwave and i was 14 years old.

I always win this question hands down; my really big asshole NPD of a MIL gave me her very used and threadbare bathrobe as a present. Made a big point of telling me it was hers and she was going to give it to the Catholic thrift shop she volunteered at but then thought it would be a gift for me. It was only fit for the garbage can and had holes in it.

But giving people random trash is a thing she likes to do because she likes to be provocative and “stick poking” in the therapy description. She gave her only grandchild an old vitamin bottle filled with dish soap and a bubble wand she found on the ground in the park. No spending one whole dollar on her only grandchild, oh no, let’s just give her some garbage. And for my BIL who golfed, she walked the public golf course every day and picked up discarded golf tees, chipped and stained and half broken, filled a sandwich bag with them, and that was his present.

She likes to pretend she’s very poor but she’s not, and giving her family literal garbage is her way of trying to provoke a fight because she likes nothing better than to provoke a fight. That’s the only Christmas present she wants is to upset people and make them angry at her.

I have a zillion other horrible stories of her, but you get the gist.

A few years ago I went to visit my mom around Christmas, I picked her up and we were heading over to my grandmas. On the way, while my 1 year old is screaming in the back seat, she asked if she could run into a store on the way.

When we got to my grandmas she gave me the bag that she had just bought, store logo on it and everything, no hiding a thing, that contained 1 roll of camouflage themed duct tape, and a pack of trash bags.

I had told her earlier in the year that I was using trash bags and duct tape to block the windows in my garage while I was doing some renovations in there, and so she got me trash bags and duct tape, almost a year later…

I still appreciate that she got me anything at all and there was at least a thought behind it even if I don’t understand that thought.

One time my roommate gave me a welding starter set cuz he wanted to learn how to weld LOL.

My birthday is the 27th of December.

On any given year odds are that my birthday sucked. Growing up it was during holiday break so no bringing cupcakes to school. 2 days after Christmas, care to guess how many kids want to attend a birthday party? Birthday presents were almost always an afterthought combined with Christmas.
I am a huge Star Wars fan so when Carrie Fisher passed away on December 27th, 2016, that was an especially shitty birthday.
There have been uears when my parents have forgotten my birthday entirely.

All that aside, my wife threw me my first and only surprise birthday party for my 40th. It was Star Wars themed including food she made from the Galaxy’s Edge cookbook she had given me for Christmas. That year I got a Kenner power (Gonk) droid still in the original packaging (with Venture price sticker still on it), which my mom had somehow saved since I was a kid. She also gave me all of my old Star Wars action figures she had been saving for me, unknown to me. And I also received an original Rancor and the box it came in from a friend. That one almost made up for all the others before and since. I’ve learned the best way to have a good birthday is to set the lowest of expectations.