Years ago I read a reddit thread saying you shouldn’t pursue friendships or relationships at your workplace. Then I again see all over the places over the internet that friendships don’t happen a lot after you become working adult and that they’re struggling make new friends. My question is If you don’t purse friendships, how would those happen?
Want to know about the thoughts of people over here.
I think you should, but to a limited degree. It generally makes the work place better. But do not invest too much into those friendship, since one day one of the friends might leave.
This somewhat depends on the work place, though. If there’s room for chitchat without a supervisor being witchy about socializing on the clock, I don’t see a problem with it.
One caveat is that being on friendly terms is not the same as being friends. Would they be likely to accept an invitation to do something outside of the workplace?
It’s wise to make “friends”
The phrase I run with: don’t shit in your own backyard.
dont get your sugar where you get your bread.
Like most things, I think the answer is a frustrating “depends.”
I’ve made some life long friends through workplaces. I’ve made workplace friends whom I haven’t really ever thought about when I switched jobs.
Maybe the key is tone the relationship to whatever it’d be if you just knew each other through other friends? If you get along but don’t super click, a casual friendly work acquaintance is probably right. Do you two really get along, have some shared interests/perspectives etc? Then why be constrained with only kicking it at work?
I have work friends but they are a different category from regular friends. I’m more inhibited around them (or at least try to be). At the end of the day your colleagues and you have got together to make money as opposed to socialise.
I’m friends with most people I meet. There are only a few friends that I’m comfortable with in all circumstances, however.
I’m friends with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. It’s very different if I were to be invited somewhere outside of work, and is very contextual. Meeting because of our union? Absolutely. Meeting just to hang? Let me get back to you in 6 weeks. Meeting for beers? You said the magic words, see you in the bar 5:30 sharp.
What do you have to lose by being friends with the people you work with?
I followed the advice to not get close to colleagues for the last 10 years or so and regret it. I did it because I thought it’d make work harder when we disagree and I’m balancing friendship vs professionalism. Realistically, all the people I would have been friends with are mature enough to make it a non-issue.
I have started reaching out to some of my ex-colleagues I got on well with but it’s very difficult to rebuild the relationship without the daily interactions. However, I have a job at the moment because I have reached out to an ex-colleague just to catch up.
I’d say if you meet someone you like, try to make friends. Jobs will come and go but finding good people to surround yourself with gets much harder as you get older.
Friendships are fine, I don’t know why someone would discourage friendships at work. Relationships aren’t really advisable because a nasty breakup can cause unnecessary problems at work.
You make a really good point. If you don’t pursue friendships, how would those happen? I’m going to give this a try.
I don’t get why anyone would advise to not make friends. If there is a genuine connection, absolutely make friends. You see these people every week, probably just as much as your own family. It would be a disservice to yourself to not bond with these people. Relationships on the other hand, I’ve seen both happy endings and awkward breakups. I would advise to look for romance elsewhere.
I’ve been remote since 2014. Plenty of friends made. Wouldn’t date at work as a general rule, it creates unnecessary risk IMO.
Certainly wouldn’t eg move in with someone I worked with, etc.
Then again, being poly and happily married, risk calculus is part of my mental process before attempting to date a particular person. If it goes south, will they show up naked and screaming on my front lawn in the middle of the night?
Since an angry ex doesn’t have the option of along me look bad to my wife (who also dates), any serious crazy could escalate quickly and creatively. I want nothing to do with that.
So (in my opinion) you need to first be very clear about your goal… You shouldn’t just DO or NOT DO anything really - YOU are the variable that needs to be accounted for.
If you are younger or desperate for social interactions/ friendships, and depending on the type of job, you can often make great friends at/through work. So if that is your priority, this is an opportunity.
But, work friendships come with professional risk. Your managers aren’t your friends, that dynamic will betray you if push comes to shove AND that thing you do/say at that party will be considered in your performance review and/or reported to HR. So, if career it your priority, then be pleasant, but leave it at “work friends” no genuine attachments.
But not all work relationships are between managers and direct reports. It would take a lot for me to become a friend with a manager or direct report outside of work. However, it is a lot easier if it is a coworker or someone in a different department.
I’m not speaking exclusively of relationships with managers. It’s all “dangerous” on that side. I say avoid the risk if your social relationships outside of work are otherwise satisfactory. Again, if social connecting becomes your top priority over career, you can push boundaries at work, otherwise I’d say find an excuse to not go out for drinks and generally stay in the “middle” area where people speak about you in vague, but pleasant, terms… Then go home and live your REAL life with close friends, romantic partners and family who actually care for you.
Really, your work ultimately doesn’t give a SHIT about you. Everyone would still be expected to clock in tomorrow if you dropped dead tonight. Take the hint and invest the BARE MINIMUM in work.
If work is so shitty, then why not have a friend too commiserate with at work?
If my coworkers are such horrible people because they work at the company I work at, what does that say about me?
To first half, nobody is stopping you if that’s your priority, Brad…
And second half seems to be a false premise you just supposed entirely from your asshole?
Night night now.
The vast majority of work friends don’t become real friends. Just ask anyone who got fired or laid off how many of their work friends called to check in after they’ve left the company.
It’s not that you shouldn’t pursue friendship on the job it’s just that you shouldn’t invest too much in it or expect a lot from those friendships. A true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for help and they will drop whatever they are doing without a second thought. If you can’t do that with a work friend they are at most an acquaintance+. Of course there might be one or two colleagues who might become a true friend so don’t give up on making friends in the work place but keep your expectations low.
You can make friends at the workplace. It’s making relationships at the workplace is tricky waters. You don’t want to break up with someone where you’ll have to see them everyday.
