When I was in NYC schools, I used to play with rubber bands, and I’d fold paper into tiny “bullets” and I’d “slingshot” them at things for fun… I mean, I was like probably 9 years old and smartphones weren’t even a thing yet and I had no DS like some rich kids in my class did (early 2010s for context). So, anyways, I was messing with ciphers with another kid, and we were in the same grade and same class in the afterschool program we went to, so we’d kinda pass notes to each other using the cipher, by slingshotting the piece of paper.

So I was nearsighted. I can’t aim properly. I was trying to aim like at that kid’s desk, I accidentally hit the staff/teacher/volunteer (idk what he even count as, don’t think they are officially licensed teachers, it’s some non-profit program and there were a bunch of volunteers, probably doing it as community service hours for college or something)… dude got mad at me and I got in trouble, and because I was in a foreign country, I felt very vulnerable, I felt scared, and I just cried…

The other time was like in a different afterschool program. I think it was like 3rd grade, and they played some holiday music around december, I remeber it feeling very like Christmas… but anyways, idk what happened, I think the music just triggered my sensory issues or something (I have no diagnoses of anything btw), so I just felt this sudden urge… so I went up to the smartboard thing and turned down the volume. The white lady teacher got so pissed at me, she marked my behavior chard to red (I think I remember she was also my homeroom teacher, so she had control over the behavior chart thing), red is the worst, yellow is a warning, green is good behavior.

It wasn’t even official class time, it was afterschool. Why does behavior outside school hours even count?

So I couldn’t go on school trips until I “behaved” again.

Like…

I just cried…

Yes I cried very often…

I was a scared little kid in a foreign country and had no idea wtf is going on.

I remember being excluded from a lot of trips, and have no clue wtf was happening around me.

Like… seriously I didn’t even damage anything… the music was just hurting my ears… my sanity…

Why yell at a 9 year old child that doesn’t even speak much English?

Fucking karen.

So I kinda just feel very intimidated by teachers from that moment on.

I think I vaguely remember a few dreams in my late teens, like way after my family left NYC, where I remember, in the dream, being trapped in an elementary school classroom, from where I was waking up so anxious…

Friendly fire.

I’m not gonna “join the NSDAP” and have that permanently tainting my name just for the off chance of getting that document to “expose” them… which probably wouldn’t do much if there is zero resistance.

“How do I not poop for 3 days?”

few siblings growing up

it was fun

Flashbacks to the time when my abusive older brother used zipties to restain me for a few hours when my parents weren’t home because he found me to be “very annoying”… 👀

(I was like no older than 6 and he was like 11)

Brb, signing up rn… I know of some illegals wearing red hats and flying enemy flags

So like a selective suspension of empathy for anyone not part of your “in-group”?

Sure… I’ll take it.

I mean, I was already gonna prioritize my group over others… this doesn’t change much for most people… an average pleb like me can’t save the world, so I’d save those I care about first.

If I somehow end up being a leader where I actually have the ability to change things… my memories could still be there as a spiritual guide… as in hey, now you are in control, save those that are weak… hopefully I don’t forget to be a good person lol…

As for everyone else… probably a lot more intense tribalism. Its gonna be even more fucked if someone consider themselves to be the only person in their “in-group”…

Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people.

I think this is probably why my mom really want to control me all the time… she’s afraid she’ll lose me and be alone…

like… mom wtf… I’d like you a lot more if uou gave me a bit of room to breathe…

Mom is keep pushing the idea of marriage to my older brother (who’s 28) because she’s afraid he’ll be (and I quote) “be alone for the rest of his life”… for context my dad got married at 31.

They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.

As a young adult… speaking from the kid’s perspective… there’s like this sort of feeling that is so… hard to explain… this connection…

My mother is/was very emotionally abusive by western standards, but still… I have this weird attachment to her… separation anxiety… or trauma bonding? idk…

I mean does it improve my ability to survive?

Like I have depression, does it make my depression go away for the duration of its effects?

Sure, maybe I’ll take it.

I mean, I still remember what empathy is from my hippocampus, and I’ll just remind myself not to be a monster…

But I guess the major downsides is that I would not longer be able to “feel” the atmosphere of a movie/tv show. No longer able to “feel” the music. “Feel” the poems I write… idk if I could even write poems anymore.

No longer be able to feel the emotions associated with my past… the nostalgia… the pain… the trauma…

I hate the trauma…

But at the same time… it reminds me who my enemies are, so I don’t make that same mistake again… so I’ll know… know to take precautions… cuz my enemy is still alive and nearby…

I need to be able to feel to finish my memoir (finish lol more like start writing it… I barely got 100 words in).

So…

idk…

temporay effects… maybe…

I wouldn’t take a permanent one…

There will be lives where I never read The Egg by Andy Weir

We are all murderers… and their victims

mourning an idea of what having a family would be

I sometimes fanticized about an alternate timeline where my parents were much more lovely.

I mean I do keep trying to remember the moments where I really love spending time with my mom… but unfortunately those memories are far and between… so much of the emotional abuse in between it… so much times where I cried…

I’m just desparately hanging on to those good memories…

I refuse to believe my mom is evil… its as if an alien shapeshifter took her place… the mother I should’ve had…

I sometimes just wish I was born to a Norweigian family… imagine the happiness…

unfortunately… their population is so low… odds of being born there is so miniscule… reincarnation could be a thing, and you can die 100 times and still never make it there. most likely be born in some developing country…

universe so cruel…

welp, its either that or eternal nothingness… which is just also fucking sad… nothing will ever happen again…

selling/trafficking me for drugs, and almost murdering me

What the fuck?

Bruh even my abusive parents weren’t this crazy

Ketchup wtf

that ruins the egg lol

Nah just the eggs are fine, sprinkle some salt and its good

Bruh, I cant make shit.

I guess just cook rice (using a rice cooker obviously, idk how they cook it before rice cookers, I never tried the old methods) and fry some eggs… 🤷‍♂️

I suck at “being an adult”

I mean its kinda terrifying when you think about it from the perspective of someone who grew up in an abusive household

“You will never leave my control”

Either you get tossed to the curb by mom and you are cold and alone after being so used to the warmth and the plant is dead (flung out of orbit), or get murdered by her (red giant… engulf the system)

Publish Piefed before Lemmy ever existed to minimize the tankie influence

Immigration? Doubt it.

China has never been a immigration country like western countries have done… I doubt the conservatives would allow it. Not as citizens anyways. If they do something like this, it’s probably like some permanent 2nd class resident status type of thing, similar to the the US with their undocumented population.

Bro, you know how racist my brother is? Even though he’s living abroad and he’s still complaining about African migrants in Guangzhou and have this weird insane “Han Replacement” conspiracy theory. I think he’s not the only one, there’s a lot of nationalists and ethnic supremacists in China.

12 Angry Men

Seconded. As a Gen Z, that is the only black&white film I could actually watch, never had an interest in anything else that old.

For example the AITA posts are getting more and more out of this world.

What’s this AITA sub you speak of?

It’s called r/AmateurStoryWriters ffs, get the name right

“Huh? You know me? Really? Wow I never knew I was that popular. Sorry but I have no clue who you are.”

Australia I guess… (Cuz I don’t wanna be on “terf Island” lol, they withdrew from EU so no more schengen access, pointless to go there)

I really want a English speaking country since I don’t really wanna learn another language, I had a advantage of being 8 when I learned English, and I no longer have that advantage.