Why or why not?
No, because I’m (a) in a relationship and (b) not into trans people.
I mean, a lot of trans people are not that different than cis people - in the scenario I’ve imagined, this is a person you are attracted to already, and maybe finding out they are trans would be a surprise then?
What if it were someone who was post-op, had transitioned as a child, and for them being trans is a medical fact from their distant past? They live fully as a cis person, you and most people wouldn’t know they were trans unless they told you. Would you not date them if you found out?
No.
It really doesn’t have much to do with their biology tbh, it’s because nobody I’ve ever met who is trans ever shuts the fuck up about being trans.
Be a man or a woman, gay, fucking whatever. I really don’t care. Like at all. But I find vanity and self absorption huge turnoffs.
If you want to make your entire identity a single thing I again have no issue with it but I also wont want to be around you.
I dont have a problem with you. I just dont want to stand around beating a dead horse over and over and over again.
Also a penis is a straight up non starter. Everything to do with dudes gives me the ick.
makes sense, I don’t particularly like to identify as trans (I don’t IRL at all, actually, I’m back in the closet on that one), and I don’t love when people are super into making their identity about their gender identity or sexuality (let alone vain and self-absorbed)
that said, I do think a vocal minority are like this, and it makes sense that is what you’ve been exposed to, I just wonder what your experiences have been like. For example, are you finding this loud trans identity thing happening with trans men you know (or do you know any trans men)?
also heard on the penis thing, it’s a common reason people give, though I do wonder sometimes if that issue is a bit exaggerated relative to the realities of a female penis …
Yeah. Half the people I’ve dated are trans.
Being already married and stuff aside, as a straight cisgender male I would honestly have a hard time with it. Like, my parents’ neighbor is a trans woman and I’d be lying if I denied noticing her (covered) boobs when she was hanging out in the back yard. But if I’m going to have a romantic relationship with someone, there are physical traits that attract me and others that don’t… And I would need to be attracted to my partner, both with what’s typically visible in public and what isn’t.
It’s nothing personal, and I truly hope their new body (whatever that may be) works for them and they find the love they want. It’s just not what I’m after.
To use the cliche as a tl;dr, it’s not you, it’s me.
Would you feel differently about a post-op trans woman? I assume the hang-up is the penis on a woman?
Do you think a penis would be a deal-breaker even if it were feminine: soft, flaccid, more like an oversized clit than a penis? Would it change anything to know lots of trans women’s penises don’t ejaculate, but instead produce wetness like a cis woman would when aroused?
I don’t doubt the gential preference, I just sometimes think straight men think of the female penis as being like a man’s penis, and that’s not usually the case.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. In theory, sure: the initial question assumed initial (presumably clothed) attraction. You’ve got the body parts I enjoy between the sheets. Let’s give it a try!
But also, I’m a dumb human with dumb human hangups that shouldn’t matter, but do. Maybe this person is everything I wanted and I could never turn that down; maybe there’s a mental block I just can’t get around despite my best efforts
As long as they have the matching equipment then I’m totally fine with it.
I’ve always wanted to try out dating an mtf girl
Ew. We’re not something for you to “try out”.
The entire concept of dating is trying someone out
Yeah but I’m bi and just am into people that make me thirsty, doesn’t matter to me
Unfathomably based
Yes.
Yes. Because i find them attractive.
Yeah we already established in the premise I find them attractive. Of course I would.
this is the right answer, here is your prize: 🎂
There’s no “right” answer to this question.
I know, I was joking 😝
THE CAKE WAS NOT A LIE!!!
you forgot this part:
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
No. Starting any relationship with a lie or withholding the truth is not kosher to me. Now, knowing form the start, an attractive lady is an attractive lady. Let’s have that discussion. But I am also biologicaly a male and I quite enjoy the female form and all associated enjoyment with such. I do not find androgynous or males attractive at all, just not wired that way.
I guess in my mind the thougb experiment went that you see the person is attractive to you (in this case they are feminine and beautiful enough that you would find them attractive), but you haven’t started dating yet, it comes out before dating and then you have to decide whether to date them or not.
It’s interesting to explore various permutations:
- what if she were pre-op, would her female penis be a deal-breaker?
- what if she were post-op, would there be any hangups at that point?
- what if she were post-op, transitioned as a child, and her trans status was an irrelevant medical fact from her distant past, would you still feel it was a lie and be upset to learn after you had been dating?
It’s interesting to me you bring up androgyny and males when thinking about trans women - I guess that makes sense, probably most people think of a man who lives as a woman socially… I guess it’s hard when the passing trans women are invisible, living as cis people without disclosing their trans identity. That leaves the non-passing folks as the most visible ones.
Anyway, let me assure you, there are plenty of trans women who look and are feminine, and indistinguishable from cis women. But I totally get why this is hard to believe without first hand exposure.
Appreciate the in depth reply. I don’t have experience being a trans person or dating one or even hitting it off enough to get to that point. So my words are purely from a heterosexual male perspective without evidence to support it.
For your bullet points and me specifically.
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possibly. Sexual intimacy is an important component of a relationship, to me. I cannot have sexual enjoyment or attraction with another penis.
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I don’t feel there would be any hangups, just would want to make sure my lady is happy and medically safe, though that means more work as a partner
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don’t see an issue with this either, as long as it was disclose it. same as above for potential concerns. Finding out after a wedding or a few years dating would definitely cause me some issues.
If I hit it off with a woman and before we got to the stage of dating offically, and we had that conversation, no it would not be a deal breaker for me. Communication is important though
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Yes and why not?
I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I had a problem with that
ha, fair enough - though it’s precisely because I’m trans that I would be hesitant to date a trans person, but honestly it would depend on the person and where they are in transition, among other things. I guess in my mind if I loved them, that would transcend that they are trans (just like if they were in an accident and became paraplegic, my love and loyalty to my partner would mean I would still love them and stay with them even with that disability).
Fair enough. I might be a little hesitant to date someone really early in their transition, just because I would need to seriously consider whether I was able to take on the somewhat implied responsibility that comes with that to guide them through such a scary and vulnerable period.
Beyond that I’m functionally t4t, it’s just really nice to date someone who gets you, and all the baggage that entails, and with whom you already have such a strong shared connection.
If I was to go on a date and found them attractive, I would not disqualify them for being trans.
Im a 50 year old wht sis male (I hope that’s right). Tbh, not sure that this would have been my answer 25 years ago.
The only issue I might have is that some of the bigotry might start coming after me for associating. I’d like to think I’m the sort of person that would stand strong against that shit but I recognize that’s easier said than done from a position as relatively comfortable as the one I’m in.
Who am I kidding, though? I’d never think through the question as long as I did being asked it as a hypothetical. I’d date her and then maybe regret it later for the tangential reason.
you are the first person to mention this! I’m shocked all the focus is on gentials when I would think the stigma and being a political scapegoat would be bigger concerns!
Follow-up question: what if she were cis passing and you didn’t experience stigma being in public together?
You can find people attractive without wanting to date them.
Wasn’t the question…
And yet that is the answer I most relate with.
true, it’s hard to fit all the context I wanted to add within a title …
my question is really meant to ask how people would react to learning someone they are attracted to and would otherwise date being trans
If I just asked “would you date a trans person” I would expect the reader to think of an ugly trans person because that’s the stereotype, and then the answer is usually no, but that doesn’t get at what I’m wondering about.
Go with, if you were romantically attracted to a person. That helps differentiate between lust and love.
well being attracted to someone doesn’t imply physical attraction to me - it’s a reasonable interpretation, but it can also mean romantic interest
