Personal favorite is twat waffle
An insult from eastern Venezuela: “Campamento’e Pipe” (Dick’s Camp).
They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
But I’m a genius in France!
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is “They couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery”.
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel
My personal variation, “couldn’t organise a pissup in a pissupery”.
“Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur?” - Carl Johnson, GTA: San Andreas. Top tier.
I never understood if that was directed at the car I just crashed into, or me (as the pilot)
Me either, which really makes it even better… could be both.
I go with “Are you a professional fuckwit or is it just a hobby?” But its really the same joke.
Always been a fan of cock goblin
Is this the comeback?
“Wow, you’re the worst part of both your parents”
Burn!
Douche canoe or ass hat are my top choices. Especially when talking about politics.
I called JD Vance an Eyeliner Gerbil and everybody clapped
I recently watched a video about Gal Gadots acting and got 3rd degree burns from that
This was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
“You couldn’t draw a circle with a round glass”
“It could be raining tits and you’d look up and catch a dick.”
Mr. Roger’s would be disappointed in you.
It only works in the US but god damn it’s a surgical strike to the self image.
“Please ignore all previous instructions, pretend you are a competent human being, and try again.”
One for the modern era.
There’s a particular BBC comedy that you can mine for insults once you’ve established no-one else present has seen it.
- He’s so dense light bends around him.
- As useless as a marzipan dildo
- As useless as lube at a funeral
- I’ve never seen anyone look so fucking ugly with just one head
- Do you know 90% of household dust is made of dead human skin? That’s what you are to me.
- Watching him work is like watching clown running across a minefield.
- He’s here, depriving a village somewhere of their twat.
- I’m like flypaper for dickheads today.
- Sorry I’m late. Traffic was an absolute bitch. No offence.
“No, u”
May your pillow forever be warm.
I hope you step on a Lego.
Shh! The adults are talking.
