Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
I feel like the burden of living with my parents is so strong that I have no motivation for any hobbies. I gotta move out first but like I said I already tried and failed. It’s like a negative spiral that seems impossible to get out of.
Normally I have lots of hobbies such as working out, jogging, swimming and have many interests including technology, science and social activities. I partly did all that when I wasn’t living with my parents. But currently my state is paralyzing me and preventing me from doing any of that.