I want to understand, intrinsically, and be able to manipulate to my liking, all the financial systems of the world.

At worst, I’d quickly become a well-paid accountant. At best, I’d become an extremely talented, untraceable, modern Robin Hood.

It’s so crazy how it looks like they want to double-team you but they are legitimately just good friends and it isn’t a weird homophobic thing.

I was thinking of that guy who raped her multiple times and had HIV. I really need that guy to have more than “some time to think about what you’ve done” because he’d probably jerk off to it. :(

Normally I’m 100% for this, it’s just that this particular case seems so evil and egregious…

Is it? You didn’t use any.

I’m still referring to my need to steal everything that is not both nailed down and on fire.

…nailed down or on fire is fine.

Fuck I want a cigarette now.

I am absolutely the bunny. Because I’m moisturized and just had my hair done, but I’m also completely done.

Binged (the search engine) and binged (the eating disorder/content consumption method) look identical and this fucks me up.

I got a warning on an ADHD sub reddit for posting too much.

It’s the biggest reason I stopped making memes.

Appreciate it but your comment got auto corrected on two instances of “causal” to “casual” by commie.

I’m allergic to corn, so I don’t know if this is true, but if I pooped a food that was still whole I’d consider not eating it again.

The last time my boyfriend heard “colder than a witch’s tit” he reached over and touched my boob ans said, “Well they feel pretty warm to me so you need a better system of measurement.”

I’m probably gonna marry him.

I really want to do the Mediterranean diet but my foot is currently in a cast and I get my groceries done once a week and veggies around here straight up do not last… so I’m struggling.

I would unironically enjoy reading this. And satirical buying merchandise and putting a Je-Who fish on my car.

I’ve only played a few minutes of Witcher 3 so far and even I know Ciri is an apprentice to Geralt! I said to myself, “I don’t know who these people are yet but I guess she’ll be the main character in a sequel.”

My brain provided, unbidden, “What’s in your pants?”

“A library card!”

Stoked to be part of the answering force!

This just solved it for me. That is exactly it. I’ve been angry at stairs my whole life and now I realize it’s because I go up them as fast as I walk- which is considerably faster than most people I know.

Having two people’s heads that close while trying to lick the same thing is entirely about fantasy and not at all about comfort.