I can hear a Frenchman somewhere hon-hon-honing about the fact that our food culture is so pitiful, we have convinced ourselves we actually like eating an overrefridgerated supermarket sandwich out of a cardboard box and calling it lunch.

Have you ever had a french supermarket sandwich, hen? They’re fucking awful. He’s not right

Consider two people: one getting ready salted crisps, a BLT and a San Pellegrino, the other a spicy chicken pasta pot, the hard-boiled egg two-pack and a banana Yazoo. Which one would you rather have as your babysitter?

Dunno, I’m not a judgemental wank like you, I’d take it on merit

This is fucking GASH journalism and the advert for her “book” at the end says it all

I always assume people who end statements with question marks talk like David from Schitt’s Creek?

Oh that reminds me of The Dublin Trilogy

A Man With One Of Those Faces definitely crime/mystery!

Even as a Scot,

the Gaelic language, whose preservation is vital not only to our cultural heritage but also to the vibrancy and future of our community

Away and dinnae talk shite. It’s a totally unnecessary, pointless language and that’s why it’s dying. Stop hoovering up taxpayer’s money and get a real fuckin job. And stop putting Gaelic on roadsigns too, what an absolute waste of money 😂

“blue vs green bubble” drama is a thing

Ha ha ha in one single country full of narcissistic idiots

😂

I promise it’s not a thing, mate

My theory is, if you have subscriptions for anything other than phone, internet and maybe one entertainment, you’re the problem

I also had a mate who insisted he didn’t have any subscriptions, then told me about the new car he was leasing

They are playing you for fools

That anyone outside of the US or the middle east even gives a fuck whether you’re an atheist or not

That’s weird guys come on

If you’re travelling too fast for this, a loud “WAAAAAAAY” will suffice

I’m guessing that because your title looks like it was written by a 12 year old, the double-entendre was entirely unintended

Me speaking to a French guy last week -

“We’ve just been the the musée de l’automobile in Mulhouse”

“Sorry, where?”

“Mulhouse”

“Where?”

“Mulhouse”

"Aaaaaah I see! It’s pronounced [pronounces Mulhouse *exactly the same FUCKING way I just pronounced it]

😂 Happens very regularly

You’re no fun :(

Oh I’m so fucking sorry this manufacturer gave you clear instructions on how to recycle properly

Your life must be truly horrible 😂

Nokia 3310

It’d still be charged

I asked a builder why this was, and he said that the lateral forces created by a slightly tilted window has just enough force to rip the entire side of a house clean off due to houses having the structural integrity of wet newspaper, which is the preferred construction method in the States

Anyone who includes Fife and Dundee as having a stuck up and pretentious accent is either deaf or geographically challenged

Had an Italian friend (as in, from Italy, not someone whose great great great great grandpappy once snorted a line of parmesan) tell me the reason for this.

Italian women are notoriously hard to woo, and will resist all advances to appear “hard to get”

Italian men (As in, actually Italian, not people who think obnoxious behaviour can be excused by far-removed genetics) realise that it’s way easier to try and get their balls emptied chasing slappers called Sharon from Essex

How many pairs of Adidas tracksuit bottoms do you own?

Well obviously if you’re an actual chicken, it won’t. How was your cage growing up?

I know right?

I thought it’d be free fucksake

I have a picture of my receipt for an incredibly reasonably-priced ECG scan I had the other day if you like? I think it was €9