I can hear a Frenchman somewhere hon-hon-honing about the fact that our food culture is so pitiful, we have convinced ourselves we actually like eating an overrefridgerated supermarket sandwich out of a cardboard box and calling it lunch.

Have you ever had a french supermarket sandwich, hen? They’re fucking awful. He’s not right

Consider two people: one getting ready salted crisps, a BLT and a San Pellegrino, the other a spicy chicken pasta pot, the hard-boiled egg two-pack and a banana Yazoo. Which one would you rather have as your babysitter?

Dunno, I’m not a judgemental wank like you, I’d take it on merit

This is fucking GASH journalism and the advert for her “book” at the end says it all

“blue vs green bubble” drama is a thing

Ha ha ha in one single country full of narcissistic idiots

😂

I promise it’s not a thing, mate

My theory is, if you have subscriptions for anything other than phone, internet and maybe one entertainment, you’re the problem

I also had a mate who insisted he didn’t have any subscriptions, then told me about the new car he was leasing

They are playing you for fools

If you’re travelling too fast for this, a loud “WAAAAAAAY” will suffice

I’m guessing that because your title looks like it was written by a 12 year old, the double-entendre was entirely unintended

Me speaking to a French guy last week -

“We’ve just been the the musée de l’automobile in Mulhouse”

“Sorry, where?”

“Mulhouse”

“Where?”

“Mulhouse”

"Aaaaaah I see! It’s pronounced [pronounces Mulhouse *exactly the same FUCKING way I just pronounced it]

😂 Happens very regularly

Oh I’m so fucking sorry this manufacturer gave you clear instructions on how to recycle properly

Your life must be truly horrible 😂

I asked a builder why this was, and he said that the lateral forces created by a slightly tilted window has just enough force to rip the entire side of a house clean off due to houses having the structural integrity of wet newspaper, which is the preferred construction method in the States

How many pairs of Adidas tracksuit bottoms do you own?

Well obviously if you’re an actual chicken, it won’t. How was your cage growing up?

I know right?

I thought it’d be free fucksake

I have a picture of my receipt for an incredibly reasonably-priced ECG scan I had the other day if you like? I think it was €9

Refuses to elaborate further

It’s literally all he did for ten years you daft cunt 😂

Do you mean a publican?

A republican can be good or bad, depending on your views

As in “I have five unread emails”?

I simply of to point out that you of used the wrong word there. You of to realise that doing so can of the effect have making you look very ignorant

Don’t watch cartoons so I’ve no idea if this is normal or not but it reminds me of this -

Air fryers are only popular because Americans have been using microwaves to cook for decades, which are possibly the worst cooking devices ever created.

If they had decent fan ovens during that time, they wouldn’t be anywhere near as popular

Conversely, air fryers are seen to be popular in the UK, because nobody will admit they fell for the advertising, and now only use them for chips

When I was a lad, it was two words, the first with a question mark, the second with a full stop

Pint?

Pint.

Both the same price.

Proper Italian pizza - Just a like a mamma used to make

Dominos - 50% shareholder profit, 50 disappointment