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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 19th, 2023

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  • While an aggressive attitude won’t change the mind of bigots, a polite and respectful response to someone who advocates for forcing kids to go through the wrong puberty is going to be especially difficult for people with personal trauma for it, and it’s unreasonable to expect it of them.

    I think it’s a reasonable reaction to throw polite discourse out when people use “moderate” as a cover for their bigotry. This is like when “moderate” person said that segregation of black people was reasonable when people were fighting for their civil rights, and that since the moderates weren’t pro-slavery so they were the good guys. No, you’re not the good guys, you’re just not as bad as the super evil guys. Congrats.

    Now I won’t tell you to “fuck off and die”, but I will tell you to fuck off. If you were someone I personally knew, I would have put in the effort to be polite and try to educate you or whatever, but since we don’t know each other it’s unlikely to land.

    I say it as someone who used to think like you.









  • At least now you know what has been eating you for so long. Like Morpheus said to Neo in the movie The Matrix:

    Neo: I can’t go back, can I? Morpheus: No. But if you could, would you really want to?

    You can’t unlearn it, it would only hurt you more trying to pretend like nothing has changed. I hope the people in your life will support you through this.



  • I know what industry they work at, but if they switched to a different employer, I might only find out months or years later sometimes because we almost never talk about work outside of work unless someone asks for advice.

    Birthdays are actually quite easy, every time I learn of someone’s birthday, I put it on an app called Birday and I get a notification two weeks before their birthday. Before that, I missed people’s birthdays regularly.

    I know if they are single/have a partner/married, have kids or not, or are divorced, but I might not know if they have had an argument with their partner and are sleeping on the couch or something.

    At the same time, I have a lot of personal things I don’t share with anyone, and I don’t expect them to share it with me. I just prefer it this way.


  • Trying to get people to change problematic behaviour, language, or opinion through yelling, or shaming is ineffective most of the time. Obviously I can’t expect people who belong to minorities to not be angry, not everyone can be Daryl Davis, but if you are white and don’t have a personal trauma, you should use more effective methods to correct people’s problematic behaviour.

    Source: I was able to get my family to stop using the N word, and even my elderly father who doesn’t actually remember that it’s bad to use the N word has stopped using it thanks to this very simple technique: every time he says that word, stop the conversation and explain why this word is harmful and dangerous to use, don’t let them steer the conversation back. Being visibly angry with them will only make them dig in their heels and seek comfort with other people who are racist, making it more difficult to get them out.

    Eventually they will subconsciously stop using that word, simply because this causes the conversation to be interrupted every time. So while I don’t punish them (can’t exactly tell my father to go to his room or something), the repeated inconvenience of having the conversation halted every time will get it in their head eventually.

    I think this is the most effective method to correct problematic behaviour in adults.