FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]

“Calm down! That’s his leg…”

“Irradiate the Roads? You don’t actually believe this do you?”

“Eh, gotta irradiate something!”

I can’t be the only one who sees this as: “Don’t listen to this nerd! Also, don’t you want to check your phone?”

“And, obviously, price is the SOLE mechanism we have to limit purchases. I mean, sure, we could simply not allow one dude to back up a dumptruck to push 10,000 rolls of toilet paper into-”

*crowd interrupts with cheers*

"But-BUT that would be Un-American and communist! And my father died fighting those commies!

“So that will be $65 a roll if you want to wipe your ass”

Plasticizers are chemical compounds that make materials more flexible. “No matter who you are, or where you are, your daily level of exposure to these plasticizer chemicals is high and persistent,” Volz said. “They are ubiquitous.”

Well, at least all the microplastics invading my brain are staying nice and flexible…

“It’s a good thing I don’t know what a cm is, or I’d feel violently insecure right now!”

“Doctor, you have to help me! I keep having this dream where I’m a car, but I’m always just stuck in traffic!”

‘Ah yes, the meaning here is quite clear…’

“Is it because of my subconscious dissatisfaction with the meaningless, repetitive grind that my life has become in this techno-hell dystopia?”

‘No no no, nothing like that. It just means you need to pony up the $15.99 monthly to upgrade your REM Ember’s subscription out of Serf Tier.’

Marxism

Mar xism

Mar Xi sm

Gasp, they’re right!

Gilligan’s ISSland

“That’s right! It’s going well…”

“Sure it is. It’s just the coming back that’s causing trouble!”