This is really a monumental societal change.
3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.
This is really a monumental societal change.
3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.
I think there are many valid criticisms of online dating, I would not suggest it’s an unalloyed good thing. However, I am old enough to have plenty of experience (trying to) date when online wasn’t an option (limited only to work, through friends, and through church since I was religious when I was younger) and I have to say, I prefer having the online option - or at least I did before I married my wife, who I met online.
Relying only on non-online spaces sucked for me. I just didn’t have the confidence to approach women and ask them out. I put myself in the friend zone all the time. When I first found online dating, I found it refreshing. It lowered that barrier for me and I think probably for a lot of other more socially awkward people.
There’s probably broader social problems when online becomes the dominant form, at least under capitalism.
Sometimes I get the feeling Zoomers think dating was “easier” before apps but I really don’t think that was the case, at least for me.
Same here during high school and college.
The issues that I remember were:
And these issues were not just present, they were the norm.
Every action I did to just start a conversation was “You trying score” by “getting into her pants”
and every opportunity I think I have had, I ran away from because I felt it went way too quick
and I didn’t want to say ‘yes’ to things I might later backtrack and disappoint the person with,
just because I didn’t want to hurt that person’s feelings at that time.
Yeah, same here. I barely dated before online dating (granted I had a boyfriend for a couple years.) When I found online dating, it felt kind of magic. All of a sudden there were all these men interested in me who were actually cute/smart/funny AND into the same shit as me? It even made me realize what a bad match my ex had been and that some portion of our relationship was just out of convenience because he had actually asked me out. (The men I found myself most compatible with online weren’t generally high in confidence and didn’t ask many women out.)
Within a month of trying online dating, I found 2 fantastic men I wanted to be in a relationship with (at the same time… Womp womp.) However just within like 5 years of dating one of them, the online dating scene had already felt like it shifted it a lot. It was way more frustrating with a lot more people I wasn’t interested in and the really compatible ones fewer and further between (or maybe just harder to find.) I ended up casually dating online in earnest for several years before meeting my husband. It was still easier than meeting someone in person imo (but I’m also a woman) and I definitely understand why younger people might believe in person was better.
i think the problem isn’t online dating as such - in a healthy, post capitalist society it would probably still exist as one avenue among many - but moreso the specific structure of all these Tinder-likes which combine facets of an online catalogue, a slot machine at a casino, and a pay-to-win phone game. it’s a perfect storm of the transactional atomization of relationships under capitalism and the gross objectification encouraged by patriarchy that makes them such shitboxes of sexual harassment, lowered self esteem, and disposable, precarious relationships with others. more humane online dating would probably revert to something similar to the old school OK Cupid model.
you can still find worthwhile connections on the apps, but you’re swimming against the current trying to do so. this is coming from someone who never really found a ton of success in either traditional “cold approach” type dating spaces, or the apps. most of my relationships and situationships have emerged from organic community connections, generally have grown out of friendships to one degree or another (with an exception or two that were from the apps).