Years later, I looked at my wedding party of six groomsmen and realized that every single one of them had, like me, grown up in a small Ohio town before leaving for Ohio State. To a man, all of them had found that couches coud satisfy them more than a women ever could, and that books are really just zipped HTML, and nobody really checks PGP signatures.
It says that “No, JD Vance Did Not Say He Had Sex with Couch Cushions” then it says FALSE. So he did fuck a couch. Thanks for clearing it up!