If we are talking about capitalist society where people are raised to view relationships as transactional, then sure
Seeing value in someone doesn’t have to be transactional. “Value” can be something as simple as a feeling of “I like to be around this person”. A person who is nice to be around is valuable.
what if you do value yourself, but you don’t actually project that outwardly?
People’s mental state affects their body language, their demeanor, and humans are pretty good at picking up on those cues. You might not be able to put it into words, but you can feel a person.
The “outward” can be having the confidence to approach someone. If you view yourself as lesser-than and think you need luck or some sort of “trick” to get with someone, then you might either be hesitant to approach a person or if you do approach them you’re doing it with the mentality of “I am bothering this person, but I hope they’re nice enough to talk to me”, as opposed to approaching someone with the mentality of “we’re equals, I am in fact creating an opportunity for both of us to meet each other because I have a feeling we might be good together”.
Seeing value in someone doesn’t have to be transactional. “Value” can be something as simple as a feeling of “I like to be around this person”. A person who is nice to be around is valuable.
Right, but why does one person “like to be around another”. That part is important. There’s no such thing as a person who is universally nice to be around. “Nice to be around” can be many things to many people. For just one example, a hyperactive extrovert might be the life of the party to one person and an annoying and draining to another.
People’s mental state affects their body language, their demeanor, and humans are pretty good at picking up on those cues. You might not be able to put it into words, but you can feel a person.
The “outward” can be having the confidence to approach someone. If you view yourself as lesser-than and think you need luck or some sort of “trick” to get with someone, then you might either be hesitant to approach a person or if you do approach them you’re doing it with the mentality of “I am bothering this person, but I hope they’re nice enough to talk to me”, as opposed to approaching someone with the mentality of “we’re equals, I am in fact creating an opportunity for both of us to meet each other because I have a feeling we might be good together”.
Overall, this sounds to me like law of attraction magical thinking type stuff. Although it is true that a person’s mental state can be expressed outwardly, some people become very adept at hiding it. As an example, consider masking in people on the autism spectrum: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
Some people go to great lengths to hide what’s going on inside (sometimes without even realizing they’re doing it) and sure, they’re not going to hide everything, but I see no truism here that internal will be picked up on externally. People can’t mind-read. They can make educated guesses based on past experience and infer from it. If they know a person really well, they can learn various tells. They can also make (sometimes drastically incorrect) judgments based on how a person seems to land within their worldview and experiences. People pick up on stuff, but what they pick up on is not necessarily reliable or consistent from person to person. The parable of the blind men and the elephant comes to mind here.
Seeing value in someone doesn’t have to be transactional. “Value” can be something as simple as a feeling of “I like to be around this person”. A person who is nice to be around is valuable.
People’s mental state affects their body language, their demeanor, and humans are pretty good at picking up on those cues. You might not be able to put it into words, but you can feel a person.
The “outward” can be having the confidence to approach someone. If you view yourself as lesser-than and think you need luck or some sort of “trick” to get with someone, then you might either be hesitant to approach a person or if you do approach them you’re doing it with the mentality of “I am bothering this person, but I hope they’re nice enough to talk to me”, as opposed to approaching someone with the mentality of “we’re equals, I am in fact creating an opportunity for both of us to meet each other because I have a feeling we might be good together”.
Right, but why does one person “like to be around another”. That part is important. There’s no such thing as a person who is universally nice to be around. “Nice to be around” can be many things to many people. For just one example, a hyperactive extrovert might be the life of the party to one person and an annoying and draining to another.
Overall, this sounds to me like law of attraction magical thinking type stuff. Although it is true that a person’s mental state can be expressed outwardly, some people become very adept at hiding it. As an example, consider masking in people on the autism spectrum: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
Some people go to great lengths to hide what’s going on inside (sometimes without even realizing they’re doing it) and sure, they’re not going to hide everything, but I see no truism here that internal will be picked up on externally. People can’t mind-read. They can make educated guesses based on past experience and infer from it. If they know a person really well, they can learn various tells. They can also make (sometimes drastically incorrect) judgments based on how a person seems to land within their worldview and experiences. People pick up on stuff, but what they pick up on is not necessarily reliable or consistent from person to person. The parable of the blind men and the elephant comes to mind here.