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  • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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    15 days ago

    To make toast, follow these simple instructions:

    1. partially unplug the power cable from the toaster and pinch its cheeks.

    2 plug the cable part of the way in and apply two or three cocktail fork fulls of semen. Place a dish of butter nearby.

    3, Plug the cable into the top of the toaster, plug a different cable into the bottom. Insert a slice of bread into one of the slots. Swap the butter for a small dish of ketchup.

    4 Swap the ketchup for a jar of duck sauce, fondle the bread.

    1. Swap the jar of duck sauce for a scalpel and the tweezers from a swiss army knife. Tell the bread “Ah c’mon you.”

    2 Unplug the toaster completely, get a Pez dispenser, and turn the bread…sideways?

    1. Plug the toaster back in, get a different dish of butter, pinch the bread.

    2. Scrape the bread with a fork on a worried tray near a concerned butter knife.

    Serve on a plate with losenges, coffee, whippets and coffee.