I can’t seem to shake imposter syndrome or doubts about whether I’m “trans” or whether I’m a woman, etc.
Just wondering what you all do when you feel that way, if you have any recommendations?
It makes me feel awful, there is so much commitment to a transition it feels like you have to be certain, but I just don’t have constant certainty.
Sometimes I’ll sit down and try to analyze it objectively, basically considering the “null hypothecis” - if I am not trans, then I would be cis, if I were cis then a certain set of things would be true (like, estrogen would probably not feel so great, testosterone would not make me depressed, etc.).
I think I dissociated from gender before transitioning, and it was my primary coping strategy. I didn’t think I had any dysphoria before transitioning, but felt lots of dysphoria once I started paying attention to gender.
I would describe myself as anti-gender before, because gender felt actively painful to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if I would have identified as “agender” before, though of course now I look back and just see how strong that dissociation and denial were as coping strategies, so of course I was antagonistic against “gender”.