You’ve just put word on something I’ve been dealing with since my teenage years : anhedonia. Something I’ve been dealing without medication for 15 years or so.

I feel more at ease with myself since I started HRT. Still I don’t know if I should consult for that. I know I’ve been better lately since my egg cracked and started HRT like I’ve been laughing more easilly, feeling more to be put bluntly.

Guess who thought he should give up thinking to be a woman and accept himself 2 years ago. (Totally not an egg btw)

This girl who was in denial and today on hrt. 👈

Thanks for the clothing advice.

As for work well… That’s a wait and see… Probably will wear a sport bra real soon. My breast growth has been fast for a month.

For work, I’m contracted for 3 years. I will fight and not be silent towards incorrect behavior.

As for parents it’s more complicated. My dad is racist (not hatred towards everyone but still the mind of the good ones and the bad ones), homophobic (like saddly a lot of 60 years old)but dependant administratively on me or my brother and sister. Since I’m the only on close physically. He won’t have a choice to accept, and probably because he loves us in the end. As for my mother. I’m afraid to trigger something about her schizophrenia. I won’t extend about it because the goal is not to trauma dump.

In the end I’m doing this for myself. My choice to transition will have consequences but I choose to care and express myself now. Better that than living and denying my own needs and wants like did before.

I feel a bit the same.

I don’t have really any taboo, so that’s fine with me. I haven’t yet crossed the step of going into feminine clothes nor makeup outside (that’s still relatively new. I understood my transidentity 3 months ago and started hrt 1 month ago DIY.)

Only went out twice with mascara and feminine shoes (well they are not the most feminine ones but still dark and pink).

But clearly I’m not passing and not trying hard to do that now. I’m haven’t done my CO to my parents nor at work. (And oh boy that will probably be bad knowing I’m in workplace that half is probably leaning far right.)

I’ve been lurking in some discord server trying to read other people stories and their view to forge mine basically and here I am.

Honestly. The only advice I can give you is to not succumb to pressure. Do what you feel like doing.

As for every human being. Your body is yours alone and it shouldn’t be otherwise.

Maybe some people needs some assurance so they feel choice is valid and will find anything that they think as a hint that they were trans and wanted everything all along. But even if there is no justification of your past self wanting to transition. That’s ok too. You shouldn’t justify your choice to others to make them feel happy. I’ve done that a bit.

I’ve put word in my transidentity a long time after. Some things makes sense now. I have liked some times as a cis man too before but some things were missing. Like I couldn’t express myself fully. I rarely laughed like more than a chuckle. Now I feel more in tune with myself and I feel a bit more things since my egg cracked and started HRT.

I had bottom dysphoria and then 3 days after it stopped. Why? I can’t really say for sure. Something about my sexuality or my own insecurity about my feminity?

For some transpeople they will still have a cis view of gender as it is also part of their dysphoria. I have some too, will I deconstruct everything? Probably not. Probably some view are already.

I’m just scrambling my process of thought right now. I don’t mean any disrespect to any choice anyone makes.

All our answers are valid to each our own. Desconstruction of gender or not. To me as long as their is respect of other people choice. I don’t see any harm.

I’ll probably never have a clear answer of my spectrum my own sexuality. I know I tend and want to open myself to a femine identity. I want to be seen feminine. If I don’t tick every boxes that will be ok and I think it should be.

Anyway I hope this will help you a bit and whishes you the best and give you a virtual hug! ☺️

I had 2 in my life and I hope you won’t experience them again.

Mine were never self triggereed. Feel free to skip the spoiler explaining mine

CW: trauma dumping : mental health and physical assault

I would worry if this was recurrent. But Nevertheless if you feel the need to have professional help do so (and if you can afford it).

If a panic attack starts, try to find out techniques that allows you to focus on something else. Like describing actively 5 things you see. Then 4 things you hear. 3 things you physically feel. I know it works on my wife. But I don’t how effective is it on others.

When does it starts to hurt with HRT? It’s been 4 weeks since I started.

I’ve noticed some growth but never felt anything really except an increased sensitivity but never unpleasant yet.

That’s fine with me, you can.

I don’t know personally at least for me. I have been depressed. Not feeling a lot. Got used to it. Lucky enough I could cope without medication because I met my wife 8 years ago. I had to… “Toughen up” (which let’s be honest was more leave my sense of self to the side…) since my wife had more trauma and needed help. Today well it’s a bit better for us. But never over, situation hasn’t changed much except for focusing on my own a bit more.

Soon it’s going to be 4 week. Overall happier I think? It is because or hormones? I don’t think so, or don’t know. I guess it’s from accepting my “new” or repressed self.

I agree with Thereaa. One of the hardest transition is the mental state. That one is hard. There will always be a difference as what you want to look and what you will look.

But you know what. Some people don’t even have that image the one you want to look, the one you want to be. They see you right now and they might think. Wow!

I only started. As well I’m hopeful. It’s going to be a hardeous journey, but I know in the end it will matter.

I started to get in shape with this hope. (I’m obese always had image problem…)

Even if I were to fail or feel like I will… Well I will have achieved something. Nobody’s perfect but someone might find your imperfection as perfect for them.

My fashion sense is terrible. I might just want to express my look as goth later like something I repress during my teenage years. I look more like a bear : I am still bulky… and might not look like “girl” in societal sense. I had built that image repressing myself and my want. Never learned in my family.

I don’t know you or your situation. But I strongly believe it’s always good to keep fighting and hang on. 23 days since I started hrt. Deconstructing gender norms is hard no matter what. Probably at some point will do FFS. But right now. Still in my CO phase as well as HRT journey.

I ended up writing more about me than trying to give advice but I hope I can inspire you a little bit and give you hope since it is a battle of the self.

It may not be as bad for me… well about the physical harm, just repressed feeling to be able to express my own self. Self loathing… putting the self aside.

I haven’t yet done my social transition (nor medical yet but soon). I can only imagine what you feel.

Wishing you the best (at least the best it can be right now), all I can offer is virtual hug 🤗

I have body image problem too, and have thankfully a supportive wife. I’m glad you could experience this.

I’m on a journey of weight loss and estrogen soon👉👈. Sadly hard to find a friendly doctor that is close to where I live.

Mood 👉👈